There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
