im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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