and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
