Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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