I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
