I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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