He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
