SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
