My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
