He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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