It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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