Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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