I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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