One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
