So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
