I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
