In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
