brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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