I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
