I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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