im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
