for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
