it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
