I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
