So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
