Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
