i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
