we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
