I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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