dude i'm inner monologue high
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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