ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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