So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
soo... how was my night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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