I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
