Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
