Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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