apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
