yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
