I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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