I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
