return my video game
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
