If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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