Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
