Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
