I like my sex mixed with concussions.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dear god my vagina.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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