For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
