so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
