i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
