I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
