Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
