Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh god it's open bar.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
