I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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