her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
