Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
